A lot of things have happened.....Koko

Before I get to the present let me tell you a very condensed version about all that has happened since I last posed.  Ironically, almost exacty 3 yrs to the day. 

We were always so worried about Lucky's weight.

Two months after my last post I got very sick and could not eat anything.  I did some reseach on foods best tolerated by those that cannot seem to tolerate anything.  I discovered plain old white rice.  I looked at Lucky one day and thought if I can keep this plain rice down maybe you can to.  It was a miracle food, no more vomiting, he got back to his normal weight of 32 lbs, no more Ascites.  He was back to throwing his weight around, barking at dogs to stay way, we were his people.  As much as that barking use to annoy me it was so joyful to hear again.  He had done it before a little but now it was like old times. :-)  He ate his white rice and canned dog food or the sausage looking stuff.
He started running more, not a lot but way more than before. He walked up and down the steps, I did not have to carry him.

Turns out people with liver issues tend to have the same stomach problems so I treated him like a person after checking with Dr. M. 

Then in August, a few days after Koko's 10th birthday (Lucky's doggy Mom)  She could not make it up to the chaise lounge in my office.  It was a Monday and that was her spot.  I put her up there and looked at her.  She seemed weak so I put a blanket around her and called the vet.  We went in and her blood test for the first time showed elevated liver enzymes.  They weren't too worried because she seemed OK and everything else was normal.  But being Lucky's nursemaid I had be come paranoid.  I asked them to do the other test (can't recall the name but they don't eat then do the test then eat do another test).  The results came in the next day.  The numbers were so high the machine could not read it, she was in liver failure.  That was the day I learned that Cockers can just have Liver failure without any history.  I never knew that since Lucky's was caused by that Sago Palm.

That was Tuesday and I just went into shock, not Koko. Noooooooo!  All this time I was hoping Lucky would be OK, doing whatever it took to ensure he survived and now out of the blue Koko was dying at age 10.  I took a picture of her that day not knowing it would be the last one.  Thursday evening I was sitting in my office typing on one of the Liver chats to see if anyone knew of anything (I had already tried the liver transplant rounte with Lucky and knew they don't do them anywhere in the country).  Koko was in my lap in a blanket.  All of a sudden she jerked her neck.  I knew she was dying and in my shock I wrote it on the chat board.  I felt so helpless. Everyone started writing back in shock  telling me to run to the closest ER.  Unlike with Lucky I knew there was no hope.  I closed my computer and took her down to our bed.  I told my husband and we laid there with her between us.  We wanted to do something but we did not know what.  Just like my son I did not want her to be poked and proded just because. She was comfortable.  Then we worried that maybe she was in pain and just could not show it so we got dressed and went to the ER.  We could not bare the thought of her being in any pain.

I let Lucky and Aly smell her before we left. I don't know why but I felt like they would know.

 They vet saw us right away when we told them she was dying.   They confirmed it and said they could put her on IV etc etc and I said, "for what, so she can suffer a few more hours or do you really think it will help?"  They are nice vets, they understood what I was saying and told me it would only possibly prolong her life some hours.  I would not do that to her.  I asked if they could give her something for pain, if they thought she was in pain so we could take her home.  The vet said yes, and they went to get something.  Koko was on the exame table and she was having trouble breathing, I picked her up and held her close.  The vet came back in and I put Koko back on the table. Then she said, "her heart rate is very low".  I pulled Koko towards me and her heart rate went up.  I had the funniest feeling she was holding on because of me.  I put her back on the table and held her in a way she could  not feel my heart beat, after I told her it was OK to leave.  She took a last deep breath...  

We had always intended to bury her in what we call the puppy garden in our yard but somehow in death she looked so much larger than she had in life.  Even though by the time we got it together enough to leave the ER it was 1 AM, Koko's ordeal was thankfully very short. The vet told us we could have her cremated alone and get her ashes.  My son had been cremated and somehow it just seemed like the right  thing to do.  I think in the end it happened just as Koko intended.